The topic that I’d like to discuss is something that is very important to me and I thought my voice might add a different perspective to the questions at hand. So, I’m taking a break from the screenplays for a little while to write this for all you lovely people.

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Mike Patton. I’m one of the original founding members of SHAFT. I was the main officer for the first year of our creation. I wrote the constitution of the club, organized meetings, courted professors, registered with the campus, and spammed every atheist, agnostic, non-believer, or just any all-around interesting people I could find within a 30 mile radius to join.* I was taking 18 credits at the time and it was a lot of work to build a club from scratch, but I sure did enjoy every second of it. As the club took off and became more and more exciting, I regularly spent more and more time on the club then I did on my classes. Eventually I stopped going to classes altogether…which is probably why I ended up dropping out? **Haha. But looking back on it now, I couldn’t care less about the homework. When I try to think of my most memorable times throughout my college experience, the only thing that comes to mind is all the fun I had being involved in all the clubs.

The History is a Mystery

I’ve been an atheist my entire life, well I guess since I’ve been able to think on my own, although I did read all of Nietzsche’s works several times as a fetus. I was completely ambivalent to the concept of a god for the majority of my childhood. I wasn’t raised in a religious home and those ideas couldn’t have been further from my mind. I’d go over to friend’s houses on Sunday and not understanding why they couldn’t come outside to play and ride bikes. Their behavior just seemed extremely odd to me and I didn’t understand what they were so afraid of. And I’d hope for hell that whatever it was, I wouldn’t catch it. For all I knew, the Black Plague probably comes out every Sunday simply to annihilate little boys on bikes that leave the comfort of the insides of their dwellings.

I remember the first time my father told me about god. He had been dating a new lady and was about to be remarried. He was terrible at it!! Haha. I knew he didn’t really care, he was just trying to do whatever he could to keep this new lady around. This was the same man that showed me Terminator 2 when I was 4, and let me taste beer when I wanted, which wasn’t very often. *** The same man that would teach me how to curse and tell a good joke. And even the all-important lesson of how to throw mud at girls.

So when he told me there was this God dude that lived up in sky somewhere, that loved me and had this friend named jesus that died for me, even though I had never met the guy, I naturally thought he was pulling my leg. It didn’t make any sense to me and seemed completely ridiculous. But no, it’s true he says and he would tell me all these random stories about a whale, a lion’s den, and two guys named Noah and David who just loved to hang out in the desert. I liked the stories, but I didn’t see how any of them were connected to each other. And I certainly didn’t believe them. I was old enough to know by now that Peter Pan, Dumbo, Batman and all my other heroes weren’t actually real people.

He told me about how all my sins could be washed away and wouldn’t I want that because it could bring me more happiness. Finally. We were getting to the good stuff. Of course I wanted that, for as my Mama said, I was a wild thing and was nothing but trouble. All I had to do was to make friends with God and it would wipe my slate clean. I quite liked this idea for I had heard about my permanent record at school and I couldn’t let it get too out of hand, because the principal would throw me in jail. Jail isn’t a place where you want to be, Batman is always throwing lowlifes in there. So sure, I would be friends with this invisible man to get me off the hook of going to jail. Easy. It’s not like he would tell other people that I didn’t really know him.

I found out later that wasn’t how it worked and it was about heaven and hell, not jail. So I didn’t really worry about it too much after that. Especially because I could just have the slate wiped off right before I died. Easy. Peasy. But to this day, my absolute favorite thing he ever told me, was when he showed me a quarter with “In God We Trust” on it. Hahaha. Oh, it’s in on a quarter so that must make it true! The Missionaries came by a couple times. At first they were pretty cool. They brought me free books!! Little did I know that they were super boring and the one with pictures didn’t even have any superheroes in it. Who would want to read that? Answer: The Trash Can.

After a week or so, I became very bored with talking about all of this. It was very frustrating to me, because at the time, I had a full time job of watching Batman: The Animated Series after school and all this talk was starting to cut in to my crime fighting time. Being the stubborn little kid I was, I finally wouldn’t listen to anymore and wasn’t going to hear it. My dad never tried to talk to me about it after that (Until much later) and he let me think what I wanted to think. My Mom had told me about other cultures and each of their different stories, but I didn’t really understand that’s what religion was at the time. My older brother James, The Human Encyclopedia, told me that there were people that just didn’t feel like believing in God. Alright, I guess I’m just one of those people then.

I didn’t really think about any of it until high school. Then, it became the only thing I thought about. I finally realized how different I was from all my other friends. They were all my best friends, but no matter how hard I tried or how much I wanted to fit and not have to worry about any of it anymore, I knew I would never be like one of them. I could take an infinite number of actions, but I would always come to the same boulder in the road. I could tell they looked at me different and it would always be that way. It was like everyone I knew was in this special club and I had no chance of every getting into it without radically changing who I was a person. I could never do that, nor did I want to. My brother was the only other atheist I had ever known. It just came to be something I finally accepted and then I was fine with it. I was happy with the man I was becoming.

And then it was senior year and everything was awesome. Nobody had ever told me that the last year of HS was way more epic then all the previous 11 years cummitivley combined. I was planning on graduating a year early at 16 and head off to college, because I already had all my credits from never having taken institute. But then at the last minute, I decided to just stay and take all AP classes. I’m really glad I did. The classes were way more exciting and we actually got to talk about religion, science, politics, and philosophy is much deeper ways that I had never done at school before. Usually me and The Human Encyclopedia would do the real learning at home on our own time. But this was just something that was completely invigorating and it blew my mind in ways I didn’t even realize it could. This is when I met Jordan, David, and other new friends and the atheists I knew tripled to 6. Things were getting exciting.

So I graduated and started summer school at USU five days later. That summer was great. I took astronomy and got to submerse myself into other fascinating subjects that I loved. The fall schedule was completely opposite. I had to start taking my generals and became bored out of my mind within the first couple weeks. I made it through the first year, attending class regularly, but I was always a million miles away. I took a year off to figure out what had happened and if I was really in the right major. I started again in the fall of 08, when SHAFT would be born. That semester I became much more active on campus and joined a bunch of clubs. I realized that enjoyed the clubs and really wanted to start my own club. I still hung around my group of heathens, so a club of non-believers was the first thing that came to mind. But I didn’t think we would have enough people for a campus sponsored club, so I didn’t pursue it any further.

One day, I randomly came across an article in the Statesman by Mr. Jon Adams about his experiences as an atheist and I couldn’t believe it. I thought I had hit the motherload my senior year when I finally met people like me that weren’t my brother and weren’t just people I had read about in books but would never meet. I really didn’t expect to find new people on campus so quickly, especially someone so vocal as to write for the paper. That sounds rather silly now when I say it like that. Haha. But it had took me my whole adult life to even find a handful more people. I didn’t realize it would be so exponential.

Mr. Adams’ articles in the newspaper became very controversial, much to my great delight. Numerous angry responses were published in the weeks after. I contacted Jon to see if he had ever thought about starting a club and if he thought there would even be any interest in something like that. He was very excited about the idea and we all decided to meet. There was me, my brother James the Encyclopedia, my high school chums Jordan Daines and David Heiner, and Jon. After that meeting, the wheels were in motion.

The first year went better than any of us hoped for. It was overwhelming and fantastic to see the response we got. We found so many new comrades that helped us market and build the club. For our first major event, we held a debate between Prof. Kleiner and Prof. Huenemann, our two Philosophy teachers. They had to defend each other’s positions and it evolved into a wonderful debate with over 200 people in attendance. The rest of the events were very diverse. We hosted speakers on every topic under the sun, cohosted activities with other clubs, had delicious bonfire cookout parties, and started my favorite biannual Atheist Bake Sale to raise money for charity. ****

The main objectives of SHAFT are below, but our most important goal was to gather a group of non-believers.

(a) To foster a socially and intellectually engaging community of nontheists;

(b) To promote tolerance and understanding, address negative stereotyping, misconceptions about, and discrimination against nontheists, and

(c) To advance the knowledge of the University community by contributing to the marketplace of ideas.

I don’t think I can express how very very very proud I am of SHAFT. The club is my baby….A baby that was created when I had a consensual lover affair with 8 other dudes at once. ;) I’d like to take this moment to personally thank everyone that made the club what it is. There is way too many names to list, and you all know who you are anyway, but the club would not have existed without your hard work. So thank ye kindly! I think SHAFT is quite possibly the most important club at USU (Along with LIFE!!!) Its weird living in a culture as a minority and it’s nice to know there are places where you can go to meet amazing new people without having to put on a mask to pretend to be different then what you are. While I certainly don’t think that us non-believers have it as bad as our LGBT friends (we still have rights that they justly deserve but haven’t received), I think there are a lot of similarities between the two. Both clubs fill a huge need among students who feel like outcasts and are vital to the common wellbeing of any school or university. The majority of my friends I have today, I met through SHAFT and then later through LIFE. I’m not sure what my life would look like if I had never have met any of these people, but I’ll be eternally grateful I did.

SHAFT was the first atheist club of its kind in Utah. There has since been a plethora of like mind clubs popping up like heathen daisies throughout the state. All of them with ties to us in name and spirit. We are a nationally recognized club and have been mentioned on PZ Meyer’s infamous blog, Pharyngula.  We are members of the Secular Student Alliance and the Center for Inquiry. The CFI even has an annual Student Leadership Conference every year in the summer. Jon and Jordan attended it for several years. The first year, SHAFT was even voted the best club name among all the other university clubs throughout America.

http://www.centerforinquiry.net/oncampus/news/student_leadership_conference_2011/

http://www.secularstudents.org/affiliates

http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2009/08/another_student_groupin_a_chal.php

So I was very surprised recently when I heard that there were talks to change the name. The name has a history and image built up behind it and has simply become bigger than just a five letter word. A name change is completely unnecessary as the club has been run efficiently and effectively for 4 years. Now, I’ve been away from the club for a while and am not aware how the club functions today and the issues that it currently faces. Since activating my facebook again, I’ve read through the entire debate about the name change and have narrowed down each reason that I’d like to address individually. I think these concerns are mostly valid and should be solved immediately, but as someone who ran the club for two years, I think a complete name change is entirely unjustified.

The Scarlet Letter

Atheist. It’s a very polarizing word in today’s culture. Just like any other word in the English language, it is attached to numerous definitions. It is still an ugly, negative word to a lot of people but can also be a beautiful word full of optimism and possibility. I’ve always associated it with the later. When I think of an atheist, I don’t associate it with a hateful and uncompromising person. To me, it’s someone who looks at the evidence at hand and makes a rational conclusion from it. It’s someone who peaks behind the curtain of the universe and pokes and prods for all the hidden meaning, while constantly being enraptured by its greatness and its beauty. An atheist is not a spiritually bankrupt person, but in fact the complete opposite. The spirit of skepticism, learning, and imagination are always at our disposal. While the rest of the world is closing their minds in fear, we open ours even farther. Seeing the natural world for what it truly is and instead of fear, we can only view it with awe and admiration.

It’s not someone who berates another person’s beliefs to the point of cruelty, but someone who takes their hand in friendship on a grand adventure to explore a wonderful world of ideas and science. Even if they choose to keep their own beliefs, an atheist would still be overjoyed to call them a friend and not look down on them as intellectually inferior, but just simply different. There is nothing more important than an individual’s right to their own ideas in quiet contemplation. An atheist understands this and will always defend a person’s human rights.

No matter how you look at it, if you’re an atheist, agnostic, or non-believer in America, then you’re involved in a battle of civil rights. It’s a different kind of battle then others; there are no protests, sit-ins, or court battles. But there is still discrimination going on and we are still the most hated and untrusted group in America. There is no way an atheist would become president today and there are still only a handful of self-proclaimed atheists in higher government positions. I’ve personally lost friendships, relationships, close family members, even jobs because of my outgoing atheism. It doesn’t really matter to me. I’m happy with who I am and I know there is a lot of misconceptions about it. Even during my darkest most lonely times, I’ve always worn Atheist as a badge of honor. But I know that I can fight to change it and I’m not going to abandon the word until there is no longer discrimination, emotional and physical abuse, and death to individuals based on their personal beliefs.

http://newsjunkiepost.com/2009/09/19/research-finds-that-atheists-are-most-hated-and-distrusted-minority/

Our public image alone is a good reason to keep using Atheist. Also, the fact that SHAFT was started as an atheist club, it doesn’t make since to get rid of it.  I agree it is very odd to be defined by your disbelief in something, but that’s way it is at the moment. I would rather I didn’t have to even use it, and perhaps we can get rid of it once and for all at some point in the future, but that’s not anytime soon. It’s also the word that most clearly reflects our views of subject and that will be recognized by likeminded people. Remember, the main purpose of SHAFT has always been to its members, not to pander to the people that oppose the word we use to describe ourselves. Those people would react the same way no matter what word we chose.

But there is good news. We can change the perception of the word so it properly reflects the wonderful people we are. We do this, not by running away from it, but by embracing it.  By improving our actions and our character so they have no choice but to take us seriously and to treat us as equals. Things will only get better with time. We never had any objection to that part of the name of the club and were always able to have meaningful debates among our peers.

Size Doesn’t Matter

This is the most interesting of the all the reasons and also the most ridiculous. I find it absurd that on a renowned college campus, that someone would be against joining a group only by the fact that its name is a slang word for male genitalia. I’m not going to discuss the origins of slang terms, but SHAFT was designed to be effective on several fronts, and considering how every other campus club in Utah is a variation of our name, I think it was wildly successful. This might sound crazy, but when I picked the word, I was very much aware of the connotations that came with it.

It was specifically designed to be funny. Not specifically phallic, but in several humorous ways at once.  I’ve done standup comedy several times and all the original officers and members are very hilarious people. We are all huge believers in the power of laughter. Laughter conquers all barriers created by our social constraints. It is the undisputed grand champion of bringing people from every walk of life together to a level of equality and mutual respect where new ideas can then be discussed without trivial opposition. As atheists, we already have an uphill battle of talking to new people. How great would it be if we could have them laughing and more open before a first word is even uttered? It would be amazing and that’s exactly what happened. I can’t tell you how many times people have told me they liked the name or how many times it had people laughing and happier to chat with us. The name is also very unique, so it sticks in your mind and is very hard to forget. Plus it comes with its own theme song!!! *****

Let’s talk about sexism for a bit. I think it’s easily the most important thing to talk about in this entire letter. I would consider myself a very staunch feminist. I am a very strong support of women’s rights and  think it’s absurd the way women are still treated in this day and age. Anyone who fallows the atheist community on a larger scale knows that sexism is a problem in our community. (Rebecca Watson anyone?) But I never felt SHAFT was a victim of that. When we started the club, we knew that statistically women are likely to be more religious than men, so we knew we were already starting from a weaker position then we’d like to be at when it came to marketing. It was extremely crucial to us that women be a major part of the club and we spent a lot of time actively running campaigns specifically targeted at them. It paid off and worked well. At most of our meetings, nearly half the members were women. Our main objective of the club was to make everyone feel welcome no matter who they were or what they believe in, so it was very important that women always felt comfortable there. I personally never heard of any complaints about the matter, but if there ever are any issues of harassment or sexism of any kind, I would urge you to let the officers know so it can be addressed promptly. That kind of behavior is not allowed anywhere and it will not be tolerated in our club. I hope that the atheist community changes on a larger scale soon and I hope even more that SHAFT can always remain above it.

http://www.atheistrev.com/2012/01/sexism-in-atheist-community-we-have.html

http://www.mallorienasrallah.com/skeptic

http://www.livescience.com/7689-women-religious-men.html

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/201009/why-are-women-more-religious-men-ii

But there is an obviously bigger underlining problem about SHAFT being too inappropriate of a name. And it’s this, if someone can’t get past the name and giggles like a 12 year old every time it’s said as nothing more than images of reproductive organs swirl around in there head, how do you expect to discuss the greatest philosophical questions of humanity with them? Is that someone who is intellectually mature enough to be able to talk to even if the name wasn’t there? The fact that professors and other professionals have no problem attaching themselves to the club with their reputations on the line, really speaks volumes about this issue.

My Brother’s Keeper

The third question is a question of PR. Is SHAFT even marketable to people? Can we successfully get people to be active in our activities and dialogue? In my experience, yes. SHAFT is a very marketable name. It’s memorable and direct to the point. You know exactly what it’s about by the time you are done finishing the acronym. I also already discussed the humor of it that personifies our own and cuts through objections. Overall, SHAFT is a fantastic name that accomplishes every goal we need it to. You can market anything; you just have to know the right methods to use.

We never had any problems in the previous years marketing the club. When we chatted with people, the name was never a barrier we had to cross. Even if they completely disagreed with us, they were happy to chat and have some candy. We were respected by all the other religious clubs on campus. Me and Jon regularly attend the other Christian groups and they regularly attend our meetings. We became good friends with them and the conversations were always civil and exciting. All of the officers were specifically invited to a lunch discussion with the institute and some other clubs. We were very happy to go and it was a wonderful event to be a part of. We accomplished all of this without having to give up atheist or change who we were. One of SHAFT’s most surprising and favorite friends is Eli. Eli is the eloquent Christian speaker that has frequented USU for many years that loves to stir up the Mormons for debate. He was always a regular attendee at meetings and even ran a weekly bible class with some of the members. There were numerous times when his sermons would get very heated among the lds students, with yelling and threats of altercation. I’m glad he always felt safe among SHAFT and it’s important that our club always protects all the minority voices on campus, even if they aren’t ours.

I’m not sure how this became an issue. But I do know most people don’t have any hang ups with talking to an atheist and that nobody likes to be talked down to. There is no reason that we need be aggressive, arrogant, or cruel when talking with people with different beliefs, even if we think they’re opinions are completely ridiculous. We’re not trying to deconvert anyone, but to create a mutually respectful dialogue where both parties can learn something from the other. I’m glad people have been posting the vid with Richard Dawkins and Neil Degrasse Tyson because it illustrates this issue beautifully. There was a reason everybody loved Carl Sagan so much. He would tell anybody and everybody what he knew about Astronomy and the Universe. It would be catered directly for them and related in a way that they would easily understand. But he would never dehumanize them or treat them unjustly about what they didn’t know. He was always polite and knew that everybody learns differently. It doesn’t make them more of an idiot, just different. And it made his passion for all things scientific shine through and infect everyone he talked to. And Neil has that exact same talent. It’s pretty astonishing how many people have become obsessed with learning science through them. That is the exact way that we should talk to others, not only about religion but about all topics. Chances are the person you are talking to is a professional on a topic that you don’t know and will gladly tell you about it if you are nice to them. That way, everybody wins!

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

It’s important to note, that even if we change the name, none of these issues will automatically be corrected. Sexism will still be an issue that we will always need to be aware of. The way we treat others that are different from us will always define our club and our character. People will still find ways to make immature jokes that will become just as old, just as fast. We can use any word we want to define atheism, but it still means the same thing and we will still be just as discriminated against. It seems to me that instead of changing the name and creating more problems, we should spend our time on other things that need our attention more. Like solving these problems outlined, marketing the club to new members, reaching out to other clubs and creating partnerships that will benefit the entire university, lining up new exciting events and speakers that attract and keep people who attend. The greatest thing about SHAFT, is that we can take it absolutely anywhere. There is no limit. I think everyone has really great ideas about the future and I’m excited to see what happens, as long as we remember what SHAFT stands for, there is no doubt that it will be very bright for everyone!

Obviously it’s not really my club anymore. I’m just an old relic now.  Nothing but an ol’ has-been at 23 that’s been blown away by the winds of time. Haha. I’m way out of the loop and haven’t been to a meeting in ages. But I would urge all of you that care about SHAFT as much as I do, to vote against changing the name. SHAFT is something that we all spent countless hours building. We put our blood, sweat, and tears into building a club where non-believers would feel welcome to come and meet new friends that care about their troubles and the pain they’ve experienced growing up as a minority in a culture so dominated by religion. SHAFT has become so much more than its name. It has a history behind it. An important history that shouldn’t be forgotten. It has a specific personality that can’t be recreated. Sure, we could switch the name to REASON, which is a good name, but how many other atheists clubs are already called that? Do you really think that there are no other atheist groups who are fans of the world famous Sam Harris’ Project Reason and chose not to use the same name?!?! haha. There are no other clubs named SHAFT or have a personality like ours!  That’s a great thing that makes a unique among the rest of the community. Changing the name would erase that history and the image we spent so much time to build and that is not worth what we would gain from changing it. I will still love the club unconditionally no matter what happens and I won’t try to stop a name change if that’s what the members want to pursue, but if there is only one thing you take away from this rather lengthy prose of mine, it is to remember that SHAFT is so so much more than a simple phallic punch line in an over told joke.

Oh, and about the color scheme. Red, White, and black are the most powerful color combination. There is a reason baby toys are only in those colors and The White Stripes are so badass. haha

Thanks for reading and thanks for caring so much about our club!

*I remember one guy I sent a message to on facebook said that he just put “atheist” under his religious description as a joke and then sent a rather lengthy reply about how he could not conceive how anyone could (not) believe in something so stupid. Haha. I responded back that he had entirely missed the punch line.

**I somehow managed to pass all my classes my last semester even though I only showed up a handful of times. I still have no idea how that happened. I’m not sure if the professors mixed me up with another student or just took pity on me because I was so retarded. Or maybe they just totally dug my batman costume I wore on the last day of the semester. I guess I never find out, not that it matters. But either way, Thanks Karma!!!1!!

*** Which was utterly disgusting!!!! It was the nastiest thing I had ever put in my mouth up to that point, including that one time I had bragged about eating dirt to the other kids. I have long since learned the error of my foolish ways. Oh, the naiveté of a wee lad!!

**** Most of my ideas for events were deemed “too offensive” by the other officers. Haha. I always tried to have a Jesus fashion show on the quad. Who wouldn’t want to see Jesus as Elvis, George Washington, and Cher? Absolutely no one, that’s who. It’s fun for all ages! And they especially squashed my dreams of SHAFT After Dark, the underground terrorist arm of the club who was responsible for nefarious actions of extreme hilarity. (Like sending 10,000 copies of Brokeback Mountain to Chris Buttars’ house) So I had to concede and settle for cookies and a glass of scrumptious Not Poison instead.

*****There were many a time me and the advertising committee would be chalking stuff or putting out fliers while enthusiastically singing this song. But I won’t comment to the possibility there were karate kicks and ninja rolls performed as well.  Chicka wokka wicka chocka wicka wokka wokka SHAFT!

Nice work, everyone!

In the fall of 2008, SHAFT became an active student organization. When The Truant, Cache Valley’s spin-off of The Onion, got wind of our group, they wrote this article:

New USU student group to call itself SHAFT

December 30, 2008

By Claire Chennault, Head Editor in Charge

TSC – A new student group at USU has determined, without a single trace of irony, to call itself SHAFT, standing for Secular Humanists And Free Thinkers. The new, unironic, group has dedicated itself to being smart and not believing in god, and to inspiring hilarious cock-related jokes campus-wide.

“Other student groups believe in god, which is stupid,” said Bill Washington, founder of SHAFT. “Also, we wanted our name to be an acronym capable of inspiring locker-room humor and dick jokes.”

According to Washington, several names were rejected as being not homoerotic enough before the founders of SHAFT settled on SHAFT as the name for their club of god-haters. Among the discarded: COCK, WIENER, JOHNSON, DICK, SHLONG, LOVE MUSCLE, PRICK, PACKAGE, WEE-WEE, PENIS, MALE ORGAN OF URINATION AND COPULATION, VEINY MEATSTICK, PULSING FUCKSTICK, EJACULATING FUCKING THROBBING GIANT COCK, and UNCIRCUMSIZED AIDS-BESTOWING PHALLUS WITH GIANT OSTRICH EGG-SIZED HAIRY BALLS SWINGING UNDERNEATH.

Tiffany Gonzalez, a charter member of SHAFT, said it is worth it to be absolutely inescapably going to hell if it means she gets to be part of a student group which is named after an impolite part of the male anatomy.

“In seventh grade, I brought a magic marker to school and me and a few girlfriends drew some cum-spewing cocks on the walls of the girl’s bathroom. But this,” Gonzalez said, “is so much more fucking satisfying than that. This shit right here? It’s an official, school-sponsored club. Named after a dong. Without even the tiniest shred of irony.”

Washington said SHAFT is going to be very aggressive in the upcoming semester to attract plenty of new members from the christ-hating minority of Aggies, mainly by putting up posters that say SHAFT in really big letters.

“People, possibly lonely people, will see our borderline obscene posters throughout the TSC,” Washington said, without even having to stifle a giggle at the idea of putting up posters that say SHAFT in the TSC, because the decision to name the group SHAFT was arrived at without even the most miniscule amount of irony. “Then, they will come to our activities and we will bitch about the mormons and ignore the fact that we’re members of a group named after part of a boner.”

The funniest line was one of the article’s comments:

Don’t rub SHAFT the wrong way or they might go off in your face!

Pretty low-brow and juvenile stuff, I know. But I found it funny enough to publish here.

A couple of important things to note: First, the names and quotes in the article are completely fabricated. And second, the other leaders and I were well aware of the phallic innuendo that the name SHAFT invites. That’s probably one reason why we settled on it. For me, at least, the name is a reminder not to take myself too seriously. I stroke my SHAFT(-related ego) enough as is.  ;)

From the Facebook event page:

Is there really any better way to say “let’s be friends” than to throw things at a person? We think not. So join us, Thursday evening. If the weather is awful, we’ll socialize in Old Main 201 with games and a movie. If the weather is great, we look forward to meeting you on the battlefield. For those not inclined to getting wet in either case, Old Main 201 will be available with games and/or a movie.

Please come prepared to get wet or at least with a good avoidance plan. See you there!

The SHAFT site has been a success that far exceeded anyone’s expectations. It has strengthened our group’s sense of community and served as an important forum for critical religious dialogue. And the site largely owes its success to you, the readers. You voted it “Best New Blog” in the 2009 William Law X-Mormon Awards, and your continued readership and participation have made this among the most popular sites of its kind.

Here are some of the site’s stats over one year of activity:

• 66,938 visits
• 124,045 pageviews
• Average time on site: 2:58 minutes
• 255 posts
• 2,812 comments
• Top content: Worst superhero partner ever, If Eve had a sassy gay friend, A tragedy close to home
• Viewed in 141 countries/territories (56% of the visits came from the US, and half of those from Utah)

Again, thanks for all your support!

If you’re a USU student and interested in writing for the site, please let us know.

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Many of my fondest memories will be of SHAFT. I have been involved with the group as an officer since its inception in Spring 2008. SHAFT has introduced me to some amazing people and, more generally, has given the secular community a much needed presence on campus. I think we all have reason to be proud of what SHAFT has accomplished.

There has been some discussion recently over what the future of SHAFT should be, however. SHAFT’s mission, as I understand it, is two-fold: (1) provide a fun and safe community for non-theistic students, and (2) promote skepticism (of ourselves and others), scientific literacy, and secular humanist values. There is a slight tension between these objectives. Were SHAFT only a social and support group for atheists, then we run the risk of groupthink. But when we neglect this social/support aspect of SHAFT, we could alienate those who most need SHAFT—people who have been ostracized from family and friends because of their religious doubts or disbelief.

I am convinced that both purposes of SHAFT are vital, so there must be a balancing act. The criticism (and it may well be a legitimate one) that has been leveled at me lately is that I have not struck the appropriate balance. So for the benefit of next year’s officers, let’s discuss what the future of SHAFT should be. Answering the following questions will help inform our discussion:

What has been your favorite SHAFT event? Why?

What has been your least favorite event? Why?

Do you have event ideas for next year? Please share.

Should SHAFT be more accommodating of religious people and their concerns, or less?

To what extent should SHAFT practice self-criticism and challenge atheism?

Your thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thank you for your interest in this club. I am going to miss SHAFT, but I am also excited to see how it will evolve. I trust next year’s officers to do a phenomenal job, and they should have your confidence too.

SHAFT’s 2010-2011 officers:

Administrative – Mike Otteson

Activities – Chris Gardner

Public Relations – Mike Linford

Advertising – Caitlin Laughlin

All proceeds go to Doctors Without Borders. So please stop by, enjoy a treat, and contribute to a good cause!

And if you would like to make some stuff for the table (cookies, brownies, etc.), it would be greatly appreciated. Just remember that all goods must be individually wrapped.

And while many who frequent this blog are members of USU SHAFT and are friends, other visitors have never been to a club meeting and may not even attend Utah State. This is yet another reason why introductions are in order.

I’ll go first. You can find the basics (name, majors, etc.) in my blogger bio. Here, I just want to share those things that you wouldn’t know about me from this blog.

For starters, I’m a bit of a teutophile—that is, I have a love for German culture. My dad and that side of my family is German, so it’s my heritage. I own a $400 dollar pair of lederhosen, some German WWII memorabilia, and an ungodly amount of German punk-rock. In fact, I have an entire YouTube channel dedicated to translating and subtitling German music videos.

I cried (several times, actually) during the movie Hairspray.

I started shaving in 6th grade.

Believe it or not, I used to be an avid Bill O’Reilly fan back in middle school. I bought his books, watched his show, and applauded his shouting down liberal guests. To this day, I rather like O’Reilly. He’s one of the most reasonable voices at Fox News, but—to borrow a line from Jon Stewart—that’s like being the skinniest kid at a fat camp.

My orange-peeling skills are totally unrivaled.

I have two boxer dogs that I spoil and love to death.

Final factoid: I am romantically-challenged. I have never been in a relationship, and only recently received my first kiss at the age of 20. 

Your turn. What would you like the readers of this blog to know about you?

The latter award (“Best New Blog”) was extremely hard-fought. We were often neck-and-neck with The Whore of All the Earth, a great blog that I recommend you visit. But we pulled ahead in the polls on the last day, winning 750 – 601. So thanks to all those who voted!

And be sure to check out the other winners. There was a lot of well-deserved recognition.

None of you have posted yet.

Well, get cracking. Readers, expect to see some posts from Jacob, Erik, Neal, and Mike in the hopefully near future.

Your vote will do more than stroke my ego. It will bring more traffic to our blog and attention to our group. So please…Vote! Vote! Vote!

If you need yet more convincing, here is P. Diddy on the importance of voting:

USU SHAFT is in the running for “Best Humor Piece” (my post entitled “Watching LDS General Conference so you don’t have to” and “Best New Blog.” If you follow this blog, please show your support by voting for us here. It’s a great way to bring more traffic to our humble blog.

So vote! Vote! Vote! Thanks.

♦ UofU’s SHIFT is bringing Austin Dacey, a former UN representative for the Center for Inquiry,  to their campus to give a talk! So we thought we’d organize a carpool to go down there and support our fellows while enjoying a good speaker. The event starts promptly at 4pm on February 27, a Saturday. If you can provide rides or just want to tag along (and split gas :D ) please comment here or on Facebook with your status as a driver/rider.

♦ Would you like to be a guest blogger for USU SHAFT? Just contact us through Facebook or at info@usu-shaft.com it may take us a while to get back to you, but we’ll get there.

♦ Would you like to be our new webmaster? Please contact us through Facebook or at  info@usu-shaft.com. You must be a member of the club at USU (enrolled student, staff, etc).

♦ There will be a bake sale at the first week of April, so start thinking of delicious recipes. The proceeds will either go toward funding club activities or a charity; we haven’t decided yet.

Thanks for your time!

I’ve ordered a copy of the documentary. If it gets here in time, we may watch it for next week’s social. I think it would make for a great joint event, as well—we could invite FOCUS, the Religious Studies Club, and the Philosophy Club. Yet another reason why this would make a great event is that I’m working on getting Hitchens to speak at USU next semester. This film may gin up some interest in and support for that effort.

Below is the trailer. Let me know what you think.

We hope to see all of you tonight at SHAFT’s Opening Social!

The USU part of the acronym is Utah State University, of course. The school’s most famous building, Old Main, is at the right. (Shout-out to the CS department on the 4th floor!) Established in 1888 as a land-grant institution in Logan, Utah, USU is a strong engineering school with long-standing ties to NASA, the Department of Defense, and aerospace companies such as Boeing and Lockheed-Martin. Interesting fact: USU has developed the highest number of cooperative space experiments with NASA compared to any other university, and has been nicknamed “Space University” by NASA. Pretty cool.

SHAFT stands for “Secular Humanists, Atheists, and Free Thinkers.” I’m giong to break down what each of these means.

Secular Humanism (also called Scientific Humanism) is a philosophy that upholds reason, evidence, and a rejection of supernatural explanations as a basis for moral thought and decision-making. Tenets of the philosophy include:

• Reason, evidence, and the scientific method are better methods than faith, mysticism or authority for gaining an understanding of ourselves and the world, and for creating human solutions to human problems.
• A constant search for objective truth, with the understanding that all knowledge is subject to revision and improvement as more evidence is gathered.
• Political, social, and religious beliefs ought to be tested by each individual and not simply accepted because of faith or tradition.
• A commitment to bettering this life through better understanding of ourselves, our history, and our human achievements.
• Building a better world for ourselves and our decendents through an open exchange of ideas, goodwill, tolerance and hard work. We understand that no one is looking out for us except us.

Atheism, in the broadest since, is simply the absence of belief in deities. It’s not really a position or developed philosophy on its own. The word originates from Greek “atheos” meaning no gods, and interestingly enough was originally applied to anyone who didn’t believe in the classic Olympians of ancient Greece. This included believers of other so-called false gods, or anyone with beliefs that went counter to doctrine. The term has narrowed somewhat to mean someone who has no belief in any god(s).

In practice, many atheists also reject any supernatural explanations or magical thinking, and do not believe in ghosts, leprechauns, psychic phenomena, souls, “magical auras,” or Tom Cruise. While the definition of “atheist” doesn’t strictly preclude any of these ideas, many of the same thought processes that lead to atheism leads to rejecting these others as well. I personally would prefer to simply say “I don’t know” rather than have an evidence-free explanation that doesn’t mean anything.

Finally, the “Free Thinkers” portion refers more or less to just a general open-mindedness. SHAFT has many members who are in fact religious, but value the free exchange of ideas and discussion that SHAFT attempts to produce. While this term is often used to refer to atheists alone, I prefer it to mean essentially “anyone who actually gets what freedom of speech is really for.” If you are religious and not offended or threatened by the mere existence of people who disagree with you, go ahead and claim yourself as a free thinker. And then come to SHAFT meetings.

Please feel free to ask any questions or say whatever else in the comments.

I thought I’d put up a quick introduction of the SHAFT officers, the people who will be posting on this blog. First off, there’s myself, James Patton. I’m studying computer science and am the group’s finance officer. Which will be an important job once we have some finances.

You’ve already met Jon Adams, a crazily prolific writer and student doubling in sociology and political science. Keep an eye on his “Why I Don’t Believe” series currently in progress, especially if you have any experience with Mormonism. Or–more particularly–if you haven’t. He’s our administrative officer.

Also posting here is the lovely and talented Kimi Anderson, studying english. Watch for her planned blog series “Haunted Utah,” a look at and debunking of supposedly haunted places in Utah (spooky). She also happens to be the group’s public relations officer and my smart and gorgeous girlfriend.

Rounding out the club’s five officers are Caitlin Laughlin and Jake Nelson, who have yet to show, slackers. Caitlin is advertising officer, and studying like, Birdomancy or something. Jake is our activities officer, and I’m pretty sure he’s a student in civic engineering. Show up and say hi, you guys!

I’m looking forward to some good discussions here, and a great godless (I wish school year.

I’m a blogoholic, but my writing has largely been restricted to Facebook. I’ve been encouraged to transfer some of my notes to a blog in order that they receive a wider audience. So over the next couple days, expect a torrent of posts from me—I’ll be posting those Facebook notes that I think will be relevant and welcome here. If all goes according to plan, my posts will spark discussions and bring some traffic to our humble site.

You will undoubtedly tire of my writing. But no worries—in due time, there will be other contributors. This is NOT my personal blog and it won’t function as such. I just want to get the proverbial ball rollin’.

I hope you’ll continue to grace this site with your readership. SHAFT will regularly update this site with event information and freethought writings, so stay tuned!